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Author Topic: Dating Climbers: Good Idea? Bad Idea?  (Read 556 times)

vtrocker

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Re: Dating Climbers: Good Idea? Bad Idea?
« Reply #30 on: July 23, 2003, 10:29:28 AM »

I enjoy listening to couples climbing, especialy when some dude brings his girl up on a climb thats a bit over her head. The conversation usualy goes something like: "Hey honey, whats going on down there?"  "this move is hard"  "can you see that hold on the right?"  "yes, but I cant reach it"  "make the move honey!"  "Im trying!"  "Make the move already!"   "Stop yelling at me!"  "Make the F@cking move!"  
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Admin Al

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Re: Dating Climbers: Good Idea? Bad Idea?
« Reply #31 on: July 23, 2003, 10:32:48 AM »

oh yeah... been there, done that!

al
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lynniefish

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Re: Dating Climbers: Good Idea? Bad Idea?
« Reply #32 on: July 24, 2003, 06:51:54 AM »

i think the more and more i climb with my boyfriend the more i believe the old adage

"the couple that plays together, stays together."

however, this is provided that the couple isnt always worried about climbing success, and about climbing hard routes, and is not made up of one ofr 2 serial killers. you just have to go out with the express purpose of having a good time. there are days when we consiously decide to only climb moderate stuff (i would say 10a or lower) because we want to just have a good time together. each of our personal climbing goals can be saved for another day.
« Last Edit: July 24, 2003, 06:52:37 AM by lynniefish »
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Admin Al

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Re: Dating Climbers: Good Idea? Bad Idea?
« Reply #33 on: July 24, 2003, 07:28:30 AM »

when we climbed together a lot my wife & I used to try very hard to push up the grades. there was a lot of stress when one of us was climbing harder than the other or wanted to do something that the other wasn't up for. she hasn't been climbing much since our son was born but we do get out about once a month. i make it a point to suggest things that I am pretty sure that she can do and let her lead the pitches that she wants. the idea is to have a positive and enjoyable outing. both of us can relax and enjoy the place and companionship. I save the hard onsites for my buddies when we push each other into doing harder & harder stuff.

al
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StephieGirl

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Re: Dating Climbers: Good Idea? Bad Idea?
« Reply #34 on: July 24, 2003, 07:58:00 AM »

Lynniefish and Al certainly set great examples for the rest of us. I wonder what Stickyfingerz (the guy who initiated this conversation) has taken from all these posts.  Maybe he will make another reply.  ;D
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Stickyfingerz

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Re: Dating Climbers: Good Idea? Bad Idea?
« Reply #35 on: August 11, 2003, 09:57:07 PM »

Wow, :o

It certainly looks like you all do have plenty to say on the subject. I find it interesting to note the flow of the responses, from initially overwhelmingly positive, to a more cautious tone later in the posts. I guess I've been out climbing too much to be an active participant in the discussion (not to mention the fact that I've never gone out with a climber :'() but I'll relate an experience I had a couple of weeks ago.

While climbing Recombeast with my friend Ben, we found ourselves behind another party who was obviously a boyfriend/girlfriend rope team. After leading the first pitch (5.7) the "rad dude" brought up his significant other. The poor girl proceeded to totally flail on a route that was apparently way over her head technicaly. (She fell repeatedly on moves that are significantly easier than the upper pitches, couldn't clean one of the cams, generally had a miserable time, etc.) Fortunately, we were right behind. Ben cleaned the cam while leading, and the unfortunate couple decided to bail off the 2-bolt belay at the end of the pitch. It was lucky for them that we were there since they only had one single rope and the rappell is over 100 feet to the ground. They fixed their rope, rappelled down the single strand, and then we unfixed the rope and tossed it down to them. We later observed them over on Thin Air, appearing to be having a better time.

One wonders what sort of a relationship an event like this fosters. Did the boyfriend regret pressuring the girl into a route that was too much for her? Did she feel bad about not being good enough to climb it? What about the potentially dangerous situation created by not having enough rope to adequetly retreat off the route? Regardless, it was obvious that they were not spending happy, quality time together.

The question arises: Should couples only climb routes where their success is guaranteed? Is it possible to separate a climbing partnership from a romantic one? I certainly agree that it would be ideal (and perhaps necessary) to share a passion such as climbing with your significant other. After all, despite what other posters may think, the spectrum from passion to obsession to psychosis is highly subjective and often lies within the eye of the beholder. Maybe the solution is to date a climber but to never climb together. Of course this ridiculous suggestion just serves to defeat the purpose of going out with a clmber in the first place. Ugh!?!

Oh well,the question is purely academic anyway, as at this rate it appears that I need to spend more time in the bars and less time on the rock if I ever hope to go out with anyone, climber or not. ::)  
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Oldslab

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Re: Dating Climbers: Good Idea? Bad Idea?
« Reply #36 on: August 12, 2003, 12:24:45 AM »

Hey, I don't even want a female climbing partner much less be hung with dating one. Climbing with a girlie-girl once in a while with other apirations in mind is cool but no matter how hard they are you still worry about them. I'd rather have her at basecamp in latex and fishnets cooling the beer and finding other sexually frustrated women to play with and maybe bring back to camp with her for the post climb celebration. Call me a pig but I'm oldand cynical because I've been there and done that SEVERAL times. Climbing is climbing and sex is something else all together and who needs dating anyway?
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StephieGirl

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Re: Dating Climbers: Good Idea? Bad Idea?
« Reply #37 on: August 12, 2003, 06:05:54 AM »

Oldslab: sounds like you're single and it doesn't surprise me.  Maybe someday you'll find out that women have more to offer than just sex, but sounds like you're so frustrated that you can't even think clearly when you see one.  
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lynniefish

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Re: Dating Climbers: Good Idea? Bad Idea?
« Reply #38 on: August 12, 2003, 07:08:38 AM »

oldslab, i might have to agree with Stephie on this one.

i bet though, one day you'll meet a climber-chick who can shake your world, on and off the rock. you might eat your words then. or, she'll already be with another, more open-minded climber guy, and you might be left out in the cold.

give girls a chance. we're not all "girlie-girls" and you don't have to worry about us. ask our boyfriends.
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DH

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Re: Dating Climbers: Good Idea? Bad Idea?
« Reply #39 on: August 12, 2003, 08:14:14 AM »

Yeah, you've just had some bad luck I guess, or maybe you need more patience (oldslab).  So, I've climbed for about 8 years longer than my girlfriend, who's climbed for just over a year.  Her potential is quite sick, though she has a super busy life and not enough time to train or climb to catch up to me, but it don't matter.  I see it as an investment every time I lower my ambitions and we climb together, the more her confidence and experience grows the faster we become as a climbing 'team', then we can have sex on ledges and on the summit, and that's f-ing rad.  One day maybe we'll do the nose and screw like dogs on top of El Cap.    

 So sometimes it's frustrating and I wish I was climbing with the boys doing harder climbs, I figure she'll be climbing close to that hard in a few years, then I'll be glad I was patient.  My climbing ability suffers a bit but so what?  I'm not trying to be sponsored or written about, I just want to have fun and get scared once in a while and go on adventures with great people. Always continuting to improve though.

I encourage her to climb with other girls because she has a lot of fun doing that, and her confidence is built better that way when she is leading, and building anchors and being self reliant.  So it's like when we climb again together, she's a little quicker and more eager to take a lead.  It's really cool to watch other peoples abilities grow, and it's a really nice surprise when I notice that she is really getting to know the in-and-outs  ;) of gear placement and building anchors and all that stuff.  

It's all about being patient, and it really helps to get that in your mind at the beginning of the day cause if you expect too much then you're going to get pissed.  I usually take the oportunity to try and lead the easier stuff with less pro, and try to speed up my systems and things like that, practice with different belay techniques (munter, etc..), sometimes I'll try and do the route with only passive gear (but still carry cams incase the anchor requires em).  You know, stuff like that is fun to do, even leading moderate routes in approach shoes is fun to try, and makes it scary too.  

I could have easily said 'F' this after the first few frustrating times climbing with my girl, but it's getting more and more fun each time we go out, and we learn a lot more about each other.  Climbing opens up different sides of us that arn't accessible in normal mundane life, it's nice to share that. ;D
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StephieGirl

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Re: Dating Climbers: Good Idea? Bad Idea?
« Reply #40 on: August 12, 2003, 08:17:07 AM »

 " ... then we can have sex on ledges and on the summit, and that's f-ing rad.  One day maybe we'll do the nose and screw like dogs on top of El Cap."

Now that is a reason to climb!!!    
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Oldslab

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Re: Dating Climbers: Good Idea? Bad Idea?
« Reply #41 on: August 12, 2003, 08:24:34 AM »

Hi to LynnieFish & StephieGirl, Actually I'm not single and probably the most openminded person you've never met. I'm just older and wiser. I'm married to a beautiful, great, younger woman who has her own career and also love the outdoors. Yeah, we've done the perfunctory climbs and it is fun to a certain degree. My point is, and I don't care who may deny it, if you're climbing with someone you care about and things go wrong it may jeopardize your judgement. I've been on climbs in very serious situations with extremely good female climbers and found myself worrying about them instead of worrying about what I needed to be doing at the moment. This is only natural but not the kind of baggage you need when your balls are on the line. After an "oh God if you'll just let us live we'll never climb again" Alaskan epic a few years ago I realized, 1) I don't want to have to worry about losing my climbing partner and my girlfriend all on a climb 2) I was sick of being around her 24/7 so why do I need a climbing girlfriend 3) she stunk as bad as I did so it was no advatage cause I couldn't get close to her anyway!

Leave you insignificant other at home to do their own thing. They'll appreciate you for it and maybe the crazy things we sometimes do won't get us both killed so at least someone enjoys the insurance money. Happy climbing and men bashing and I hope to meet you someday on the crags or better yet in a local pub so you can get to know my openminded nature.
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Oldslab

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Re: Dating Climbers: Good Idea? Bad Idea?
« Reply #42 on: August 12, 2003, 08:33:06 AM »

Sex on Ledges? Now you're talking about something entirely different but you don't need a rock chick for this. A nympho with adventurous blood and a good haul system is a lot easier and you don't have the years of pain and training involved in a climbing girlfriend.

Now if there are climbing girlies out there that just want to hook up on El Cap Tower or even  a good hanging bivy somehwere I can't possibly see where anyone with any gray matter could have a problem with that but why do you have to be "dating"? Whatever happend to high-altitude sport bonking?
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StephieGirl

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Re: Dating Climbers: Good Idea? Bad Idea?
« Reply #43 on: August 12, 2003, 08:37:57 AM »

I can definitely appreciate this perspective - more so than the one of women staying at base camp in latex and fishnets cooling beer. Dating a climber just depends on a person - there are plenty of women who are just as capable if not more than men so we shouldn't be limited to just taking care of the boys.

A good example, I know a chic who breezes up 5.12s and her husband can barely start one.

It just depends on the couple and what you can compromise and do together. Your situation works for you and your wife, but maybe not for others.

Cheers,
Steph
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ontharocks2001

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Re: Dating Climbers: Good Idea? Bad Idea?
« Reply #44 on: August 12, 2003, 12:40:25 PM »

I would love to have a female climbing partner to share joy and beauty with...contact me if you are interested.  :D
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Experienced trad and sport climber looking for partner in CT/ NE area, lead 5.8-5.9 trad.
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