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[dogboy]

Now available from Chill the Fuck Out:

Fake Stick-On Bolt Hangers.
   Made out of plastic, these hangers appear to be real bolts until closely inspected.  Industrial strength double sided tape insures that these babies can be placed anywhere a real bolt would go.  Piss off those cranky traditionalists and self-righteous rock police by making your favorite trad climb appear to be retrobolted.  Place bolts next to cracks, underneath flakes, etc.  Also good for luring beginners up climbs that appear to have fixed gear.  Imagine their surprise when the bolt they clip comes off in their hand!

Fake Bosch Bulldog
    Looks and sounds just like a real Bosch hammer drill!  Fool your friends into thinking you're drilling bolts on their favorite climbs.  Even comes with fake rock dust for that realistic look (please specify type of rock: granite, limestone, sandstone).  Runs on two AA batteries.  Great when combined with our Stick-On Bolt Hangers!

[CPower]

 Dear Dogboy,

  I am thinking of starting a new rope compony, called
called SNAP-O brand Ropes. Would you be interested in distributing our product? Marketed to blowhards who constantly complain that "bolted routes aren't commiting" or spew forth about how homogenized climbing has become, these ropes promise to add spice to any climb, of any grade, for all climbers.

 Are you tired of hearing your partner complain about how un-cool climbs with fixed gear are while your lowering them off two bolts after they "free climbed" a route made up entirely of
pin scars?!? Next time tie in to SNAP-O brand and watch em'
go!! SNAP-O brand, you just can't fall!

[dogboy]

Dear CPower--
    We here at Chill the Fuck Out are always looking for new, innovative, and most importantly FUN climbing products such as yours.  Snap-O brand ropes are sure to satisfy all those hardmen for whom climbing has become too safe.  Moreover, what a hoot it will be to swap your partner's rope out for a Snap-O on the sly!  Imagine the look on their face as they yell "Take,"  only to realize that they are tied into a Snap-O!  Gauranteed to eliminate hangdogging, unnecessary resting, and your partner's whining about "Safety,"  Snap-O brand ropes are a must-have for every climbing blowhard.

Throw caution to the wind...tie into a Snap-O today!