There was something about the Grinch that just wasn't right
Perhaps he got bad sleep at Jigger Johnson last night
Or maybe his Mythos were just one size too tight http://bit.ly/17J58JO
The Grinch stood looking out from the first pitch of Standard http://bit.ly/Zhp7A8
he turned to his girlfriend and sneered in anger:
"All these sport climbers, with their boom blasters, their hang-diggety-doggers, sport-backs, and rum-rumney
The noise!!! The noise!!! The noise this spring will drive me crazy http://bit.ly/10rPzpn
The Grinch thought how they'd scream so loud while they worked their 5.19A
Did she say I was "on"? or am I "off" belay?
They'll bring their dogs, their girlfriend, their girlfriend's girlfriend, their parents, infants, and tenants.
They'll turn climbing into something pubescent, jock Alex Honnold and wave Chris Sharma pennants
They'll come to the crag late...
And swarm you in impersonal groups of no less than twenty eight.
Harvard grads, MIT lads, and new dads,
will make unnecessary chatter like "Isn't this joint rad?"
Cantabrigian moms sporting the latest yoga pants and 3-wheeled stroller fads
will nap under your climb on boulder pads
They'll make their seasonal outdoor pilgrimage from MetroRock by the bus load
fill-up the Flume with unused lines and break through the floor
most climbing not, they'll monopolize spots
just smoking pot and leave anchors with poorly dressed knots
You'll pull off the Kanc and exclaim with glee "Ah ha, an empty lot!"
But after a committed walk-in, they'll invade Champney at 11 oclock
They'll step through your rope with a crampon
to say "hi" to strangers they found on meetup.com
They'll say "excuse me" all day long
Park like a morron and make you pull on the lawn
Oh how I hate everything about sport!
Noobs are stronger than me, climbing 5.12 at Watertown, Concord, and even Newburyport!
But then.... The Grinch put a cup to his ear... http://bit.ly/11xYdBq
and heard nothing but the chirp of newborn chicks
and a light breeze sweep past Frankenstein cliffs
The Grinch got an awful, awful, wonderful idea. http://bit.ly/17e1IAk
"With all of the new gyms no one will make it up I-93" he thought with glee
"Certainly not past exit 26 for Rumney"
And in that moment the Grinch's heart grew by 10 http://bit.ly/11vDDCW
He reasoned, "Just perhaps, sport climbing is my friend"
It's ok if that's what they want to do
Because it leaves Franconia, Crawford, Pinkham and other places too
For climbers like me and you
With the power of 10 Grinches he found the strength to send
He even did the optional second pitch, all the way to the end
"Hooray for gyms and sport climbing... hooray for sport climbing!" He cheered atop Rattle Snake Mountain http://bit.ly/11vksJn
All the gym junkies, boulderes, and sport climbers sat their in awe
As even the Grinch, yes, the Grinch
Clipped a bolt with a sport climbing draw