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Author Topic: what would you do  (Read 1351 times)

Offline iclimb

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what would you do
« on: February 04, 2016, 05:45:32 PM »
I recently was climbing at a spot I frequent and another guy came after I had been there for a while. He had his young kid with him.

I feel fairly certain that this fucking prick was abusive to his kid. He was essentially yelling at him in a hushed voice, dragged him off around a corner out of sight at one point, was posturing at the kid in quick motions like he would hit him and the kid flinched and looked scared each time, the kid looked like he was crying part of the time. Then the guy forced his kid up the route and wouldn't let him down when the kid was crying and no longer progressing up.

I'm a parent and I get that we all have frustrating days, but my gut told me that this wasn't ok. I was going to leave but felt like things were getting worse so I stuck around and did laps, "stretched", etc

I didn't say anything to the guy for fear of me interpreting things wrongly, and also for fear that the guy would be confrontational and I'd  be tempted to fight him in front of his kid, which would also be awful for the kid to see.

Would you guys have confronted this dude? He most definitely was not an intimidating guy, but the situation felt wrong and I have been kicking myself for not saying anything or reporting it.
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Nemesis

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Re: what would you do
« Reply #1 on: February 04, 2016, 05:59:34 PM »
Quote from: iclimb on February 04, 2016, 05:45:32 PM
I recently was climbing at a spot I frequent and another guy came after I had been there for a while. He had his young kid with him.

I feel fairly certain that this fucking prick was abusive to his kid. He was essentially yelling at him in a hushed voice, dragged him off around a corner out of sight at one point, was posturing at the kid in quick motions like he would hit him and the kid flinched and looked scared each time, the kid looked like he was crying part of the time. Then the guy forced his kid up the route and wouldn't let him down when the kid was crying and no longer progressing up.

I'm a parent and I get that we all have frustrating days, but my gut told me that this wasn't ok. I was going to leave but felt like things were getting worse so I stuck around and did laps, "stretched", etc

I didn't say anything to the guy for fear of me interpreting things wrongly, and also for fear that the guy would be confrontational and I'd  be tempted to fight him in front of his kid, which would also be awful for the kid to see.

Would you guys have confronted this dude? He most definitely was not an intimidating guy, but the situation felt wrong and I have been kicking myself for not saying anything or reporting it.
What could you have said or done that wouldn't have made a bad situation worse?
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Offline iclimb

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Re: what would you do
« Reply #2 on: February 04, 2016, 06:40:47 PM »
That was part of the reason I didn't say anything. If someone is abusive enough to act like that in public with other people around, I can't imagine what the poor kid would have gone through at home, taking the blame for me saying something.

Unless of course I pinned him to the wall with some hardware and left him there hehehe
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strandman

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Re: what would you do
« Reply #3 on: February 04, 2016, 06:50:55 PM »
Inside or out ?  Inside i would have said something to a staff member

Outside...I would have been nice (for me) and stared at him a bit...maybe longer than a bit.  If he actually did hit the kid, I would hit him,,simple.   
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Offline M_Sprague

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Re: what would you do
« Reply #4 on: February 04, 2016, 07:27:43 PM »
Quote from: strandman on February 04, 2016, 06:50:55 PM
Inside or out ?  Inside i would have said something to a staff member

Outside...I would have been nice (for me) and stared at him a bit...maybe longer than a bit.  If he actually did hit the kid, I would hit him,,simple.

Pretty much the same here, though I might ask the dad "Are you alright?" in a concerned manner to maybe give him pause to realize how fucked up he was behaving, or "Get a hold of yourself. You are being abusive", but once it gets to that it is probably going to go down hill quickly. You never know when some crazy is packing or carrying a knife so you want to be really careful directly engaging somebody with obvious anger issues unless somebody is in imminent danger, like actually being choked, punched or kicked, in which case I would probably do what I could to disable them and get the kid away. Short of that situation, capturing it on your phone along with his license plate and giving it to protective services would probably the best call if you really thought the kid was being abused more than the dad being an asshole and a little rough edged.
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"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is not a path and leave a trail."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

The modern conservative is engaged in one of man's oldest exercises in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness. – John Kenneth Galbrait

Offline iclimb

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Re: what would you do
« Reply #5 on: February 04, 2016, 07:37:45 PM »
I stared. I stood nearby. I hung around. Maybe that's why it didn't get worse at that moment. I definitely would have stepped in too if the kid got hit or anything. Aside from a small knife I could tell he wasn't carrying any other weapons. Wearing minimal inside plus a harness, doesn't leave much room to hide anything at least not easily accessible.

I'm not a little guy and wouldn't have hesitated to say something if I didn't think the kid would get it worse later.

I may tell staff about it or ask for the guys name so I can report it. I just worry about whether a half ass investigation will turn nothing up and piss the guy off more towards the kid. Unfortunately that is a very real chance.
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Offline M_Sprague

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Re: what would you do
« Reply #6 on: February 04, 2016, 08:18:43 PM »
It sounds like you did about the best you could in the situation. Hopefully a teacher or someone else who has more direct contact with the child will be able to notice and look into it if warranted. Maybe the abuse will train him up to be the next psychopath. It takes a village..
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"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is not a path and leave a trail."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

The modern conservative is engaged in one of man's oldest exercises in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness. – John Kenneth Galbrait

Offline Nick Grant

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Re: what would you do
« Reply #7 on: February 04, 2016, 08:53:24 PM »
If the kid were not in the picture, I'd pay big money to see the Strandman go nuts on the guy.   Classic stuff.
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Offline NEAlpineStart

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Re: what would you do
« Reply #8 on: February 05, 2016, 10:31:28 AM »
Quote from: M_Sprague on February 04, 2016, 07:27:43 PM
... I might ask the dad "Are you alright?" in a concerned manner to maybe give him pause to realize how fucked up he was behaving...

+1
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strandman

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Re: what would you do
« Reply #9 on: February 05, 2016, 11:46:20 AM »
No such thing as PC when it comes to child abuse.....  I guess you did cause the guy some concern, good deal.

Otherwise a two finger shot in the throat works every time.
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Offline z.st.jules

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Re: what would you do
« Reply #10 on: May 31, 2016, 08:26:50 AM »
Hmm this is interesting. That seems like a tough situation to judge in the moment.
I think you made the right call just sticking around. If things had gone real bad, you would have been able to step in...

The older I get, the less I am intimidated by folks...
I think the only people that I am truly intimidated by are folks who may be genuinely insane.

My father-in-law always says that if you're ever about to get into a fight, you just gotta act crazy, you gotta start shaking and drooling and shit...
Most folks will think twice about going toe to toe with someone whos screaming and shaking.

Perhaps such a mentality would work in intimidating the father to quit acting-a-fool.

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