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General => Epics and Accidents => Topic started by: rpdoucette on January 16, 2009, 04:12:43 PM

Title: Bad Belay Technique
Post by: rpdoucette on January 16, 2009, 04:12:43 PM
So ¦it,s my first time climbing in Acadia National Park.  We are at Otter Cliffs, along with everybody else, enjoying our first time climbing sea cliffs.  The sun is out, the rock is warm, it,s great.  We set up a toprope on a particularly nice line, but for some reason I don,t recall now, I am belaying from above, sitting on the edge of the cliff with my legs dangling over the edge.  That,s always tricky for the belayer, as you tend to get your hand or leg trapped under the rope if the climber falls.  It works ok if you can find a higher anchor, and you stand up on the clifftop next to the anchor, but sometimes all you have is a low anchor right near the cliff edge...so I clip in behind my harness and sit down.

So I belay my friend up this climb and she finishes.  Nice job.  Now I begin to lower her.  But Ive got puffy fleece pants on, and as I lower her a piece of the pants get caught in the belay device.  Shit, that,s never happened before.  I figure it will come loose, so I just keep lowering her.  And more of the pants are sucked into the belay device.  I think you know where this is going.

After a few feet of lowering, what gets sucked in next?  Yup, my underwear.  Now we have a ... situation.  How far is this gonna go?  She,s not at the bottom yet.  I don,t know what to do, and I figure it,s a short route and the lowering cant last that long, so I continue lowering.  The underwear keeps going ¦then ¦my Johnson follows the underwear.  Now I stop what I,m doing and think real hard about other options.  I,m no Simon Yates, so Ive got no knife handy to cut the rope.  This is quite embarrassing and there,s around a hundred people all over the cliff.  What am I gonna do ¦yell  Help Ive got my dick caught in my belay device ¦Come save my dick!!! ¯ 

I figure I just gotta keep up what I,m doing and hope this ¦comes to an end real fast.  But I,ve definitely got a piece of my dick in there ¦luckily not the end but the side sorta ¦so I figure its not actually gonna really go IN there.  So, I keep it up and VERY SOON I guess the capacity of the belay device is maxed out and my dick breaks loose...I doesnt go springing back or anything..lets not get all dramatic.  But a small piece of skin is torn off, just before my partner reaches the ground.  I extract my clothing from the device, without anyone looking, and inspect my boys to make sure all is well.  I am missing a tiny piece of skin, but everything appears ¦operational. 

As soon as I get home I read up on belay technique and throw away the puffy pants. 

- Almost Dickless
Title: Re: Bad Belay Technique
Post by: meclimber on January 16, 2009, 04:39:45 PM
greatest tr ever!  Glad you and the boys are OK
Title: Re: Bad Belay Technique
Post by: Admin Al on January 16, 2009, 05:37:38 PM
that's hysterical   :-X

--al
Title: Re: Bad Belay Technique
Post by: Dizz on January 17, 2009, 08:13:56 AM
So, this is why you call your belay device "The Moyl"!

IBBY!
Dizz
Title: Re: Bad Belay Technique
Post by: The other tomcat on January 17, 2009, 06:25:15 PM
I got a piece of my thigh sucked into my ATC once,that was bad enough....
Title: Re: Bad Belay Technique
Post by: perswig on January 18, 2009, 06:43:32 AM
What?  No pics?
Title: Re: Bad Belay Technique
Post by: old_school on January 18, 2009, 08:34:46 AM
Great Story!!
I bring my DICK with me on every climb...it's my "nuts" that I often leave at home!!!   ;D  ;)
Title: Re: Bad Belay Technique
Post by: tradchick on January 19, 2009, 10:10:51 AM
Thanks for the laughs!!

I have long hair and had leaned over on rappel to see where I was going and leaned a little too far....some of my hair was sucked into my ATC and ripped out.  I think I drank an extra beer or two that night.
Title: Re: Bad Belay Technique
Post by: Dizz on January 19, 2009, 11:28:12 AM
I have known guys who have had beards sucked into devices while rapping. Sounds painful just thinking about it.

IBBY!
Dizz
Title: Re: Bad Belay Technique
Post by: Admin Al on January 19, 2009, 02:17:19 PM
I saw a lady get her very long hair get sucked in at Quincy Quarries many years ago.

--al
Title: Re: Bad Belay Technique
Post by: T_Moon on January 19, 2009, 04:30:43 PM
I can't help but reference this thread from years back:

http://www.neclimbs.com/smf_bbs/index.php?topic=826.msg4887#msg4887

There is no lack of Acadia stories to tell... and Jeff Butterfield tells them with style!
Title: Re: Bad Belay Technique
Post by: tradmanclimbz on January 19, 2009, 05:35:30 PM
Helmet chin strap sucked in makes for an awkward rap.
Title: Re: Bad Belay Technique
Post by: rpdoucette on January 20, 2009, 09:31:49 AM
I will post another dumbass story each month or so.  I might run out by the end of the year. 

Next month:  Lightning Up My Ass. 
Title: Re: Bad Belay Technique
Post by: OldEric on January 20, 2009, 10:02:38 AM
I don't think that the general interest on "things Doucette has done to his nether regions" will last until the end of the year.  I have been told that there are other sites that might find these stories more interesting.
Title: Re: Bad Belay Technique
Post by: sparrow on January 21, 2009, 10:51:23 PM
nonsense, this is certainly the prime venue for it!
Title: Re: Bad Belay Technique
Post by: TR1 on January 27, 2009, 10:21:04 AM
 :D 

BRILLIANT!!!!! I love to hear about other folks being human! Makes me feel almost like one!
Title: Re: Bad Belay Technique
Post by: Buzzsaw on January 27, 2009, 08:04:14 PM
No dicking around when climbing at Otter. That reminds me of the time I got my willy stuck in my zipper and the only way out was a quick and very painful rip of the zipper and lots of blood. I had no idea there was that much blood down there. Please release me, let me go. I don't love you anymore.
Title: Re: Bad Belay Technique
Post by: rpdoucette on January 28, 2009, 04:46:46 PM
My dad told me a story of when he and his brother in law went fishin' in a small boat way back when.  Uncle George had to take a pee in the boat, so he stood up and hung is manhood over the side and did what he had to do.  Maybe because he was distracted and hurried, he got the sequence wrong and his willie was trapped in the zipper.  My dad had to row the boat in, drive Uncle George to the emergency room, where they performed a YKK dick extraction.

Related story:
A study on boating accidents in Ohio or someplace a few years ago found that most boating deaths were men who drowned with their pants around their ankes.  They stook up to pee and lost their balance.  Really it was something like 60% of the total.

end of dick stories...I will try to stick to climbing related dick stories.
Title: Re: Bad Belay Technique
Post by: micah on February 16, 2009, 06:06:54 PM
Not to sound like a know it all. but a munter hitch works great when belaying /lowering from the top. Set the anchor well away from the edge and clip the munter 3 or so feet back from the edge and everything is so much easyer.  Still can sit with legs dangling over the edge for visabillity. Never have to worry about ripping your dick off.
 I have been to otter maybe 6 times and other simillar situations and have never seen anyone else using this set up.  Is everyone worried about twisted ropes? Not a problem if its 50 feet tall.
Am i overlooking something?
Title: Re: Bad Belay Technique
Post by: meclimber on February 16, 2009, 06:18:22 PM
I think you're missing the point...
Title: Re: Bad Belay Technique
Post by: The other tomcat on February 16, 2009, 08:12:25 PM
only if you get that part stuck.
Title: Re: Bad Belay Technique
Post by: meclimber on February 16, 2009, 10:13:45 PM
oh man
Title: Re: Bad Belay Technique
Post by: micah on February 16, 2009, 10:55:11 PM
Yea, come to think of it that was way too soon to say anything serious :)
So how far did that shit stretch?
Good thing you did'nt use double ropes.
Maybee you should go commando next time.
Sell your story to phizer, viva Viagra baby!
Oh yeah?  My dick is so long i stepped on it with crampons.
 
That's all i have.
Not bad, right?
Title: Re: Bad Belay Technique
Post by: Admin Al on February 16, 2009, 11:38:35 PM
not bad at all...LOL
Title: Re: Bad Belay Technique
Post by: Trainwreck on February 24, 2009, 01:55:27 PM
Reading this at work, laughing out loud hysterically!!!
Thank goodness I'm the boss!
I guess this is one instance where being a girl is good in the backcountry..
Title: Re: Bad Belay Technique
Post by: JSarcione on March 20, 2009, 08:54:25 AM
I was bouldering at Den rock in Andover one day a long time ago and had the place to myself, so I had a small radio going.  Decide to take a break and turn off the radio, and hear what sounds like other climbers back around the corner on the main face.  I walk over and what I see is a single white static line hanging from over the top.  There is a climber about halfway up, he has an old figure 8 rappel device attached to his harness set up as if he is rappelling.  But he is not rappelling.  He is trying to climb up with the rope between the thumb and first finger of his right hand.  He climbs up a little, then struggles to pull the slack up through the figure 8, then repeats.  I shout up and ask he has any idea what he is doing?  He replies that yes he knows what he is doing and that if he falls he just pulls his right hand down by his side and "puts on the brake".  I convince him to come down and try to explain nicely why this is bad.  I ask if he is alone, he tells me his friend is up top.  I try to convince him that he and his friend should leave this for another day when they have learned the right way to do things.  No luck.  So, I ask if he knows how to tie in properly? "No".  OK, so I show him how to tie in.  Does you friend up top have another belay device? "No".  Is the roped anchored up top?  "I think so".  Are you sure I can't convince you to go home? "No".  So I say, wait here and head up top with their old figure 8 and biner.  Here's what I see there. 

Single white static line coming up from over the edge, not anchored to anything.  No sign of any webbing, cord, any additional carabiners, nothing.  Just the "friend" sitting a little back from the edge holding the static line.  That's the "anchor".  The "friend" has no harness on, no nothing.  I ask if he plans on anchoring said static line. He says, "well ya, I sit with my feet pushed against this little rock here and hold on to the rope in case my friend falls".

OK, once again try to convince them to leave.  No luck.  Now, we are still the only people there so I feel like I just can't leave.  So I ask if they have any other gear? "No".  OK, so I show the friend how to tie the single line back to a tree.  Then, tie a loop in the line and clip the old biner and eight to it.  The "friend" had a vague idea of how to belay, so I make sure he understands the concept better, watch him take up the slack and head back down to the "climber".  Watch him for a few minutes to make they aren't going to completely screw this up, then go get my stuff and leave.     
Title: Re: Bad Belay Technique
Post by: CLemay on March 20, 2009, 09:09:54 AM
That should have been considered for the Darwin Awards!!
Title: Re: Bad Belay Technique
Post by: meclimber on March 20, 2009, 09:15:33 AM
 ???
Title: Re: Bad Belay Technique
Post by: slink on March 20, 2009, 09:54:43 AM
lessons to be learned here!!At least you can think that you saved the lives of some incompetent people who may have succeeded in becoming great mountaineers.I know some really good climbers who have told me stories of climbing with clothes line ropes and no clue as to what they were doing.Hopefully they survived the learning curve. :D
Title: Re: Bad Belay Technique
Post by: strandman on May 20, 2009, 09:13:03 AM
A couple of "older" boston climbers known as Captain & Tenille- "ready to fall", "whatever you think is best" I shit you not, this was an actual conversation.
Title: Re: Bad Belay Technique
Post by: perswig on May 20, 2009, 09:21:33 AM
Glad to see some people can maintain politeness and style when sketching  :D.
Dale
Title: Re: Bad Belay Technique
Post by: strandman on May 20, 2009, 09:26:39 AM
Glad to see some people can maintain politeness and style when sketching  :D.
Dale
AND the Captain still had his hat on after this 8' whipper
Title: Re: Bad Belay Technique
Post by: MAmedic on May 20, 2009, 09:27:27 PM
Den rock is alway good for witnessing feats of sheer and utter jackassery.  I've performed some of them myself...
I've always come home with my johnson intact though...